Why Hamlet Can’t Date You

Twitter keeps its finger on the pulse of what’s important these days by publishing Top Trends. What are people talking about with the most urgency? Sometimes it’s obvious and newsworthy, like Egypt or Tunisia. Other times it’s silly like #IfYouOnlyKnew or #ICantDateYou.

Shakespeare can do trendy. Oh, yes. And silly! With that I give you the Shakespeare version of #ICantDateYou:

“I can’t date you because you’re married to my brother. Who I just poisoned. And honestly your son annoys me.” -Claudius

“I can’t date you, I’m not the man you think I am. In more ways than one.” -Viola

“I can’t date you, you’re like seriously the only other human being besides my dad that I’ve seen in my entire life.”  -Miranda 

“I can’t date you, you’re my ancient’s wife and you’ll just want me to promote him or something.” -Othello

“I can’t date you, your insanely jealous husband already thinks I knocked you up.”  -Polixenes

“I can’t date you, even though I am madly in love with you and did follow you into the forest. Because now that you’re actually paying attention to me you’re kinda creeping me out.” -Helena

“I can’t date you, you look like an ass.” -Titania

“I can’t date you, my wife would kill me. And you. And any witnesses.” -Macbeth

“I can’t date you, I’m Prince of Denmark and my will is not my own.  Plus I’ve kinda got a thing for my mom…. what the… who wrote this? Who the hell is Freud?” -Hamlet

“I can’t date you, you’re not Jewish and my dad would freak. Oh, what the heck, let’s do it.”  -Jessica (Shylock’s daughter)

    Sometimes the funniest stuff comes and goes in the blink of an eye on Twitter, so if you’re not already following ShakespeareGeek (and his partner in crime Bardfilm), what are you waiting for?!

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