Shakespearean Light Bulb Jokes (Guest Post)

Bardfilm and Shakespeare Geek have put their heads together and taken the rare step of combining Shakespeare and the genre of Light Bulb Jokes, with the following results:

How many Henry VIs does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but he has to do it in three parts.

How many Prosperos does it take to change a light bulb?
Are you kidding? He has Caliban take care of all that kind of thing.

How many Brutuses does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but he needs the help of 23 conspirators to do it.

How many Ophelias does it take to change a light bulb?
STOP! You wouldn’t let someone that wet near electricity, would you?

How many Macbeths does it take to change a light bulb?
I wouldn’t know. Every time he sees a working light bulb, he yells, “Out, out, brief candle!” and smashes it to bits.

How many Othellos does it take to change a light bulb?
Two—after he puts out the light, he puts out the light!

No, really. How many Othellos does it take to change a light bulb?
Wait a minute—this bulb has been changed a thousand times in secret! O that I had nothing known!

How many Lears does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but the light bulb needs to convince him that it LOVES to be changed.

How many Calibans does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but first you have to teach him language and then you have to endure his cursing.

How many Pericleses does it take to change a light bulb?
I don’t know—I’m not familiar with that play.

How many Sebastians does it take to change a light bulb in Olivia’s bedroom?
Viola. And Orsino pounding on the door to let him in.

How many Lavinias does it take to change a light bulb?
Oh, that’s really tasteless. And so is that “tasteless” comment. Eww.

How many Earls of Oxford does it take to change a light bulb?
Oh, come ON! Don’t EVEN get me STARTED!Ok, how many Shakespeares does it take to change a light bulb?
THERE’S NO MENTION OF ANY LIGHTBULBS IN THE WILL! ONLY A MEMBER OF THE ARISTOCRACY WOULD HAVE OWNED—Sorry about that, folks. I have no idea how he snuck in. Carry on.How many Claudiuses does it take to change a light bulb?
He won’t change them—he just keeps yelling, “Give me some light! Away!”

How many Hamlets does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes him a really long time to make up his mind, and he only eventually changes it after Claudius pushes his mom down the cellar stairs.

Or, how many members of the Danish Royal Court does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They all kill each other and then Horatio changes it while drawing his breath in pain.

How many Muses of Fire does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it will also ascend the brightest heaven of invention if you ask it nicely.

How many Angelos does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but first he’ll deny it—and then he’ll discover he changed the OTHER bulb!

How many Claudios does it take to change a lightbulb?
Trick question, the lightbulb didn’t really blow out—Don John just loosened it because he is so very evil.

How many Benedicks does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but you have to convince him that the light bulb wants to be changed. And then you have to convince the light bulb that it wants to be changed by Benedick.

How many Rude Mechanicals does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, you figure you need somebody to hold the ladder, somebody to get up and change the actual bulb, somebody downstairs at the fusebox, somebody to run to the store to get bulbs in the first place…. So, one. Nick Bottom. He’ll play all the roles.

How many Gentlemen of Verona does it take to change a light bulb?
Same as the number of Noble Kinsmen it takes!

How many Noble Kinsmen does it take to change a light bulb?
Two.

I don’t get it.
And if we made a really obscure Two Noble Kinsmen reference nobody would have gotten that, either. 😉

How many sonnets does it take to change a light bulb?
One hundred and fifty or thereabouts, although a whole bunch in the middle apparently suggest that they prefer the dark. And 400 years of debate over which light bulb it was in the first place.

Our thanks for the idea behind this guest post to kj, the author of Bardfilm. Bardfilm is a blog that comments on films, plays, and other matters related to Shakespeare.

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11 thoughts on “Shakespearean Light Bulb Jokes (Guest Post)

  1. Q. How many Pucks, etc.?
    A. Two. One to transform into a "three foot stool" and another to stand on him.

    Q. How many Coriolanuses(Coriolani?), etc.?
    A. Just one, but he won't… until his mother nags him into it.

    Q. How many LaVatches?
    A. O Lord, sir!

  2. How many Juliets does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Negative one. The lightbulb is only dark because it's put to shame by her glow, so it'll turn back on once she leaves.

    How many Romeos does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Three. One to bewail the going out of the old lightbulb, one to put the new one in, and a third to claim he's never truly seen a lightbulb until now.

    How many Reynaldos does it take to change a lightbulb?
    Three. One to claim that the lightbulb needs changing to see if anyone agrees with him, another to notice that you're staring blankly, and a third to reassure you that Shakespeare forgot who he was before he even finished Hamlet so you can hardly be blamed.

  3. How many Proteus’ does it take to change a light bulb?

    None; Proteus claims he’s only interested in changing a different bulb, then sabotages Valentine’s attempt to change this bulb, then underhandedly tries to screw the bulb in against its will. And after all that, suddenly everyone decides they’re happy in the dark and immediately forgive Proteus’ indiscretions.

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