A Duck Walks Into A Bard

What came first, Shakespeare or duck jokes?  Our favorite playwright may have invented the “knock knock” joke as well as the “yo mama” joke, but we’re having trouble coming finding any duck jokes in the First Folio (although we do learn that Trinculo can swim like one).

So, Bardfilm and I decided to help out.  We’ve done chicken crossing the road jokes, light bulb jokes, knock knock jokes … it was only a matter of time, wasn’t it?  It’s time for

Shakespeare Duck Jokes

  • What do you get when you cross a duck with the innkeeper from the Henry plays?  Mistress Quackly
  • Duck walks into an apothecary shoppe and orders a dram of poison.  Apothecary says, “Let me guess, you want me to put that on your bill.”Duck says, “No I need to get to Juliet’s tomb first, I’ll do it there.”OR

    Duck looks aghast and says, “What’re ya trying to do, kill me?!”

  • “Blow, winds, and quack your cheeks!”   – Duckling Lear
  • Why was the duck nervous about seeing Hamlet?  He heard someone threaten to “Murder Most Fowl.”
  • Ophelia is out picking flowers when she sees a branch of particularly nice ones dangling out over the river.  She sees a duck swimming by and calls out, “Hey duck!  How deep is the water?””About waist deep,” the duck answers back.

    Ophelia confidently strides into the water, immediately goes in over her head and is swept away by the current.  Gertrude, who saw this whole thing happen, shouts at the duck, “You told her the water was only waist deep!”

    Duck says, “It is to me!”

  • Falstaff walks into a bar with a duck under one arm.  He sits at the bar, puts the duck down on a stool next to him.  Mistress Quickly comes over and says, “Get that filthy animal away from my bar!”  Falstaff lifts the duck off the stool, places him on the floor.  Mistress Quickly says, “I was talking to the duck, Jack.
  • Gloucester’s at the top of the Cliffs of Dover.  He screams, “How do I get down?”  Edgar screams back, “OFF A DUCK!”
  • Will Shakespeare is walking toward the tavern one day when he sees Ben Jonson coming from the other direction.  Suddenly the Earl of Oxford sneaks up behind Shakespeare an hurls a tremendous piece of ox manure at him.  “Duck!” yells Jonson to Shakespeare.  “Swan!” Shakespeare calls back, “We decided you’d call me” and thats when he got smacked with the manure.
  • Duck says to Hamlet, “I forget all my lines in the next scene!”  Hamlet says, “Can’t you just wing it?”

Thanks as always to Bardfilm, the Hardy to my Laurel, the Curly to my Larry, the Lewis to my Martin, the Kermit to my Fozzie Bear.

It’s The New Shrew Review, Coming Right At You

(* Ok, please tell me somebody gets that reference.)

I just read today that former Disney princess and modern day movie darling Anne Hathaway is signed on to a new Taming of the Shrew movie?  How cool would that be?  The article suggests that she’ll of course play Katharina, which I suppose make sense given her star power — I think the only other role would be Bianca, and that’s very much just a supporting role.

But two questions spring immediately to mind.  First, who should be her Petruchio?  Obviously this movie’s going to skew to a younger audience so I don’t think we’ll see any Russell Crowes or Ralph Fiennes’ stepping up.  How about Chris Hemsworth, the dude that played Thor?  There’s already a bit of ol’ Shakespeare about much of his dialogue anyway.  He’s got the rough sound and look about him that he might be able to play Petruchio.

Second question – do we think that anybody’s ever going to match Liz Taylor and Richard Burton?  That wasn’t just a haphazard hookup of who happened to be hot in Hollywood (see what I did there? Ha!).  They were on a completely different level than that, and it showed.  The fact that it was Shakespeare was really just a bonus — wasn’t that the first (and only?) Shakespeare that she ever did?  Burton was a different story, of course.

When Kenneth Branagh or David Tenant (feel free to borrow some N’s from each other, boys, I can never remember how to spell either of your names) makes with the modern Shakespeare, I think we see it differently.  They are Shakespeareans, and decades from now students will discuss their interpretations alongside Olivier.  But … is Anne Hathaway the next Dame Judi Dench or Helen Mirren? Do young actors today have the Royal Shakespeare Company to fall back on, to produce the next Patrick Stewart or Ian McKellen?

Set Your DVR – Prince of Players is Coming!

I love it when I trip over stuff.  While searching my TV Guide for Shakespeare stuff today I spotted that on January 19, on the FOX Movie Channel, Prince of Players will be on. Richard Burton plays Edwin Booth during his stellar Shakespearean career, while his brother John Wilkes plots to …. well, we all know that story.  This is, in many people’s opinions, one of Burton’s best performances (see JM’s comments on the original review!) and one of the best interpretations of “A movie with Shakespeare in it” (as opposed to “A Shakespeare movie”) that I’ve yet seen.

If you’ve got a DVR and you’ve got that channel, don’t miss the opportunity.  This one is rarely shown, not available on DVD that we know of, and you really should see it.

Bluffing Shakespeare


So for Christmas this year I got “The Shakespeare Handbook : The Bard in Brief” because the catch phrase “The essential bluffer’s guide” caught my attention.  People are always looking to get me Shakespeare things, so I told my wife to show this to the kids and then wrap it and give it to me. 🙂

The book takes an in depth look at individual scenes from the plays.  Specifically 50 scenes from less than 40 plays, which means some get doubles.
(First thought — 37, actually. Noble Kinsmen left out, as is Double Falsehood / Cardenio).

It’s a very nice book, well made.  Hardcover, big (8.5″x11″ sort of big).  Each play is accompanied by pictures, such as Elizabeth Taylor’s Kate, or Al Pacino’s Merchant.  Each play comes with a summary of what it’s about, why Shakespeare wrote it (context, if nothing else), and then sidebars and insets describing little trivia tidbits like what “gleek” might have meant.

I’ve only just started flipping through it, but I thought it would be fun to look at what scenes the author felt were crucial to the ‘essential bluffer’.   Does Midsummer, for example, have the final play-within-a-play?  Puck’s “If we shadows have offended?”  Oberon’s “I know a bank where the wild thyme grows?”  Decisions, decisions.  Let’s see, shall we?

Two! Two scenes.  Act II Scene i right off the bat, with Oberon’s “I know a bank…” quote highlighted on the section cover.  And……(flip flip flip)…..Act III, Scene i, the translation of Bottom into an ass.

I like it.  There’s lots of content to read through, and I don’t have time at the moment to truly dig into every individual decision the author made, but I hope to periodically pick and choose a section for us to discuss.

Until then … name a play, try to guess what scene or scenes he included, and I’ll let you know in the comments!  Hamlet’s an easy one.  Who wants to guess what scene is included from M4M, or maybe Pericles?

Bard Cake!

I would kill to see Cake Boss do an episode like this – a cake full of Shakespeare’s most famous characters.

Of course, much like Cake Boss, making something out of cake technically means making it out of chocolate, sugar, rice krispy treats and then sitting the sculptures on top of said cake.  But, still!

Here’s your challenge, Shakespeare geeks!  The opening picture in the article shows the entire cake.  Then, each character is explained.  So before you scroll down to read the whole article, see how many characters you recognize.

I just love that somebody’s pursued by a bear.  I want to meet whoever made this cake.

UPDATE : It appears that Romeo is being pursued by a bear?  Although in fairness it could be a kangaroo. Also, who is the snowman looking royal dude on the lower level supposed to be, Hamlet’s father’s ghost?  The rest seem pretty recognizable. Note the arras with the blade sticking out of it.