15 Greatest Shakespearean Excuses for All Occasions

Late for work? Forgot to pass in your assignment?  Blew off plans you had with friends?  Now and as always, Shakespeare’s got you covered…

Shakespearean Excuses for All Occasions

  • Flying back to Elsinore for my dad’s funeral, and my mom’s wedding. Don’t ask. Back in a few days.
  • Going to live in the forest dressed as a boy for a little while. Back when evil Duke Frederick has a ridiculously unlikely change of heart.
  • Got married last night! Didn’t tell my parents. Will explain everything when Romeo gets here.
  • My Dogberry ate my homework.
  • Had to disguise myself as a boy, it’s compl…what do you mean Rosalind already used that excuse?
  • I am so exhausted, I have gotten like zero sleep since my husband and I killed the king the other day.
  • Got in huge fight with my dad. Moving to France.  Getting married! Everything’s gonna work out ok. 
  • Shipwrecked on the way back from my cousin’s wedding. Enslaved by evil wizard. Totally met someone, though, so it’s all good.
  • Had to flee assassins that got my dad. Will return to Scotland in a few generations to reclaim the crown.
  • Need to go give a speech at Caesar’s funeral. Blah blah, good man, will be missed… these things always go the same way.
  • Off to England! It’s whole big accidentally-killed-my-girlfriends-father-thought-he-was-the-king thing. Long story.
  • Listen, so, I meet this girl at a party, right? Long story short, I kill her cousin, now I’m banished.
  • Weird rumor going around that I’m out to kill my father. Only one thing to do, go live in a hovel and pretend to be insane.
  • Spent the night in jail because the lady I work for didn’t like the color of my socks. I know, right?
  • Bit of a disagreement with my husband. My friend’s got this plan where I go into hiding for 16 years, convince him I’m a statue, and then yell “Boo!”. I think it sounds hysterical.

Geeklet Shakespeare Mashup

Apparently my 9yr old had some sort of free time at art class the other day and was flipping through a stencil book.  She found (and recognized!) stencils for a scroll: (click for the larger image)

So she remembered the names of 8 Shakespeare plays off the top of her head?  Not too bad, Geeklet.  Of course, she then informed me that she “didn’t do every single one, like Henry the First, Henry the Second…” Bonus points for working in “Globe Theatre” as well!

She also found a curtained theatre stage (which, truthfully, I’m not sure I would have recognized if I’d seen it in a book).  This is what she provided: (again, click for larger)

That is Hamlet, performing the famous “To be or not to be” soliloquoy….while holding Yorick’s skull.  Apparently as part of the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet.

I love it.

Allen Ginsberg, on Shakespeare

When I first saw this link go by I immediately thought “Allen Ginsberg on Shakespeare? So, what, like F___ Shakespeare?” 🙂

I am glad I clicked.  I don’t really know what this blog is or where the content came from, but it appears to be a transcription of Ginsberg giving some sort of lesson on The Tempest, and in particular the underlying Buddhist ideas. I’m trying to process it now.

One thought he leads with, which I think is a stretch but maybe I’m wrong – he starts with the idea that Caliban is in fact Prospero’s kid? Is that reflected in the text?  He then uses the treachery of Caliban to show a karmic circle for Prospero. But I’m not sure how much he’s reading in to that.

Look At All The Shakespeare Movies!

I’m normally on top of the new Shakespeare movies coming out, but this article about “rebooted Shakespeare” hints at a few I didn’t know about:

  • Anonymous. Enough said.
  • Coriolanus.  Yup.
  • Al Pacino’s King LearHeard about it, didn’t know it was still going forward.
  • How about another Richard III (courtesy of Mr. Pacino
    ), entitled Pell Mell and set in the 1960’s?
  • Maybe Romeo and Juliet retold (what, again?) this time about a Jewish family versus an Italian family.  Wait…do Jews and Italians have an ancient grudge I didn’t know about?
  • Then there’s Rosaline, which we’ve mentioned.
  • Or Hamlet told from Ophelia’s point of view?  Insert joke here about that movie only being half as long as Hamlet, and getting really confusing at the end ;).

(Anybody needs me I’ll be off teaching Bardfilm‘s classes, because I’m apparently already doing half his job anyway so I might as well do the other half!  🙂  I kid, KJ.

Review : The Secret Confessions of Anne Shakespeare

Score one for my mom, who has apparently been paying attention when I talk.  A few weeks ago she handed me Arliss Ryan’s The Secret Confessions of Anne Shakespeare
, which she’d picked up at a yard sale for fifty cents.  “I saw Shakespeare and thought of you,” she told me.  I enjoy that this is the response to Shakespeare people in my life have, “Oh Duane would like this.”

I thank her for the gift, and based on the cover art I assume that it is a young adult piece of fiction that I can hand over to my daughters.  Nevertheless I decide to read it.  It does not go past me that a) I blogged about this as a new arrival in February of this year, and b) it’s still got it’s $15.00 price tag on it from Borders, and my mom found it for 50 cents.  So I do not have high hopes for a book that tumbled so quickly out of sight.

I have to say, I am pleasantly surprised.  First of all it
is not young adult.  It does not take long at all for Mistress Hathaway to meet young Master Shakespeare, and all sorts of things are being unbuttoned and unlaced very quickly.  My kids aren’t seeing this one anytime soon.  So forget the young adult thing, this is more of I guess what you’d call a “historical romance.”  (Although I am left wondering, since the book basically starts with them getting married when Anne was what, 28? Why is there a young teenage girl on the cover?)
Once I realized what I was reading, everything fell into place.  This is to be your classic “behind every great man is a woman” story.  Will Shakespeare, forced into a loveless marriage and unhappy with his life in Stratford, runs away to London to make a name for himself.  What does Anne Shakespeare do?  Why, follows him of course.  Leaving her children to the care of the Shakespeares, forever loyal Anne (who continually repeats her mantra that she married for life) packs some belongings, hitches up her skirt and heads off to London as well.

What happens next?  Why, she writes Shakespeare’s plays, of course. 🙂  I’m only half kidding.  Using the story that she is Shakespeare’s sister, not his wife (thus allowing both of them many freedoms a married couple would not have been allowed), she quickly gets a job copying scripts for him, which turns into a job (unknown to anyone else) helping him edit and, soon, write the plays.  How many?  I won’t spoil it.  In this book’s world, her contribution is … not small.

I am very pleased with the amount of detail that’s gone into the biographical portions.  All of the details of Shakespeare’s life that I would expect are accounted for – Greene’s Groatsworth, the back story behind the sonnets, Marlowe’s bar fight, the night time raid on the Globe, Hamnet’s death, etc… The author appears to have done some research.

The downside, however, is in the treatment of the plays. It looks pretty obvious to me that the author took her own opinion of the plays, and pasted that over her storyline.  Falstaff and Hamlet are their greatest creations (makes you wonder what role Bloom played in the research, doesn’t it?), while King Lear gets nary a mention, other than to say that it’s the saddest of the lot, and is part of a comedy sequence involving Shakespeare trying to figure out how to make it rain in his theatre.  Most of the later plays are dismissed as “not our best work.”  Coriolanus is singled out with “no one will be quoting that one in twenty years.”  And it is a fairly obvious modern woman who heaps her scorn upon Two Gentlemen of Verona, and not a historically accurate Anne Hathaway.  The author may hate that one, but the words she put into Anne’s mouth seemed pretty out of place for anybody that pays attention to more plays than just “the big ones.”

Oh, and the Dark Lady of the sonnets gets completely brushed off, which to me screamed simply that the author didn’t want to take a stand on that one (or, did not have the research to do so).  From her perspective, she knows that her husband has women on the side, so if he writes about one in particular in his sonnets, so what is it to her?  The only obvious thing here is that the sonnets are supposedly autobiographical. Take that how you please.

Another disappointing bit is that she seems to just plain get bored detailing how the plays came to be.  They start out strong, and there’s good back story for why the Henry plays were written, and in that order.  But it’s not long before the plot chugs along as quickly as “Oh, the new Scottish king likes witches, does he?  Here, let’s bang out Macbeth” or “I’m feeling a bit jealous today, oh look there’s a new Italian story on the market nobody’s done yet let me just run home and whip up Othello.”  But even then, later in the book the two Shakespeares will bemoan that they’ll only be remembered for “the great ones like Hamlet, Macbeth, Othello.”  Other than with Hamlet and Falstaff (and maybe a little Romeo and Juliet), there is very little time spent on “Wow, we wrote a masterpiece that will be spoken of for centuries to come.”  It’s all just “Shakespeare became a successful playwright by giving the audience what they wanted.”

It is an entertaining book, don’t get me wrong. I want my wife to read it. I think it’s written for a very specific audience.  Clearly a romance novel.  Anne, the ever loyal wife stuck in a loveless marriage, tries everything to make it work.  But darn it she’s still a woman, she still has needs, and she finds ways to fill those needs.

This is an good book not precisely for a Shakespeare fan, but for someone close to a Shakespeare fan.  You want your family and your friends to get the details of Shakespeare’s life? To share a little bit of your passion for the subject with them, without boring them to tears or talking over their heads?  That’s where a book like this comes in.  The details are basically right. I would much rather have somebody start with this book and explain to them where the story is not historically accurate, than for them to fall victim to any number of Authorship theories and have to start them over from scratch. This book knows that it is fiction.

Pick it up
and give it to a loved one, like my mom did, and like I’m going to do.