We have Shakespeare Geek merchandise. You knew that, right? Mostly t-shirts, but also some bags, bumper stickers … the usual assortment.
Month: May 2012
The 7 Year Challenge
Today I realized that I haven’t been in the blogging business *6* years, I’m coming up on *7* years. A little math told me that I’ve made 2364 posts in 2555 days, for something like a 93% hit rate. The fact that I did not achieve a sustained 1 post/day average over this time troubles me. I like round numbers.
So then I thought, can I do it? Can I celebrate my 7 year anniversary by actually achieving that goal? By my count that means I need to post 191 stories in the next 21 days. That sounds impossible.
Doesn’t mean I’m not going to try it. 🙂
Wish me luck!
Knock Knock! The Definitive List of Shakespeare Knock Knock Jokes (Guest Post)
From time to time, Bardfilm and Shakespeare Geek have tried putting a Shakespearean spin on some of the classic genres of humor. They’ve previously tackled light bulb jokes and dealt with why the chicken crossed the road. Finally, the great challenge of the Knock knock joke proved irresistible. Here are some Shakespearean knock-knock jokes that you can use to entertain or torment your friends, colleagues, and children. No, you don’t need advanced Shakespeare knowledge to get all of them – but it certainly helps sometimes!
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Oberon.
Oberon who?
Oberon the other bank you might try to catch some fish.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Noah.
Noah who?
Noah’s the winter of our discontent.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Dogberry.
Dogberry who?
Dog bury a bone in my petunias again, dog get sent to the pound.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Julius Caesar.
Julius Caesar who?
Julius, seize her! She’s the one who stole my wallet!
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
The Earl of Oxford.
The Earl of Oxford who?
Exactly.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Wherefore means.
Wherefore means who?
No, “wherefore” means “why.” How many times do we have to go over this?
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Nay, answer me! Stand and unfold yourself.
Long live the king?
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Laertes.
Laertes who?
Layer Ts and sweaters to stay dry and comfortable on the ski slopes.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
The Nightingale.
The Nightingale who?
Ha! Fooled you! It’s really the Lark.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Orlando.
Orlando who?
Or Lando or Leia or Luke or Chewbacca will pilot the Millennium Falcon.
Knock, Knock, Knock, Knock, Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Tom.
Tom who?
Tom R. O. and Tom R. O. and Tom R. O. We creep in this petty pace from day to day.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Shelly.
Shelly who?
Shelly compare thee to a summer’s day?
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Hal.
Hal who?
Hal long until Henry IV dies and I can become king?
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Gracie Zar.
Gracie Zar who?
Gracie Zar’s Ghost!
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Et.
Et who?
Et tu, Brute? Then fall, Caesar!
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Utah.
Utah who?
Utah me language, and my profit on it is I know how to curse!
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
The cause, my soul.
The cause, my soul who?
Let me not name it to you!
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Leon.
Leon who?
Leon Macduff.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Rosencrantz. No, wait, Guildenstern! *sigh*—let me get back to you.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Ferris.
Ferris who?
Ferris foul and foul is fair.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Lysander.
Lysander who?
Lie, Sander, and you’ll get in trouble, Sander.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Cordelia.
Cordelia who?
Oh, that’s real nice, Daddy. I come all the way from France with an army to rescue you and that’s the welcome I get.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Falstaff.
Falstaff who?
[Excessively Loud Belch]
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Will Shakespeare.
Will Shakespeare who?
Will Shakespeare or just stand there holding one as long as I get to be on stage.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Desdemona.
Desdemona who?
Nobody. I myself. Farewell.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Riese.
Riese who?
Riese and not the need.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
The Porter from Macbeth.
The Porter from Macbeth who?
The Porter from Macbeth, who wants to know how you like it! Knock, Knock. Knock, Knock. Knock, Knock. Knock, Knock. Knock, Knock. Knock, Knock. Knock, Knock. Knock, Knock.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting Chorus.
Interrupting . . .
O FOR A MUSE OF FIRE!
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Demetrius.
Demetrius who?
Just try to Demetri us before we Demetri you!
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Hamlet.
Hamlet who?
Ham let Ophee fall in love with him.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Hamlet.
Hamlet who?
Hamlet the dogs out! (woof, woof woof woof…)
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Helena.
Helena who?
Helena handbasket is where this world seems to be going.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Pericles.
Pericles who?
Well, I know it’s not Hamlet, but it’s not that unknown.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Rosaline.
Rosaline who?
Yeah, that’s what Romeo said as soon as he saw Juliet.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Lloyd.
Lloyd who?
Lloyd, what fools these moytals be.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Mary.
Mary who?
Mary, your manhood mew.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
William Shakespeare.
William Shakespeare who?
William Shakespeare cans so they explode when you open them.
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting Richard the Third.
Interrupting Richard the . . .
HORSE!
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Amos.
Amos who?
Amos shapen knave; his mother was a witch, and one so strong that could control the moon!
Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Otis.
Otis who?
Otis too, too solid flesh! I wish it would melt, thaw, and resolve itself into a dew!
Or . . .
Otis too true! How smart a lash that speech doth give my conscience.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Mike.
Mike who?
Mike Ingdom for a horse.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Arthur world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Toby.
Toby who?
Wait—sorry. Not Toby.
Make up your mind! Who’s there?
Toby or not Toby, that is the question.
We thank kj, the author of Bardfilm, for this guest post. Bardfilm is a blog that comments on films, plays, and other matters related to Shakespeare.
My Brownie Adventure
So yesterday, I’m happy to say, was my first official “Stand up in front of a group of children not my own, and talk about Shakespeare.” Long time readers will know that I’ve had a number of false starts along this path, ranging from the time I read The Tempest to a bunch of first graders, to the time that the school principal shot down my plans to stage Dream among the second graders.
This time we went informal – my 7yr old daughter’s Brownie (small Girl Scout) troop, which in this instance numbered just 4 girls. 5, if you count my older daughter who hangs out and keeps herself busy. 6, if you count my boy.
Yesterday I posted The Plan. Aren’t you just dying to know how it went?
So, I bring with me a bust of Shakespeare and my pop-up Globe theatre. Spend some time talking about who Shakespeare was, when he lived, what he did. I make a timeline on the board, showing them events that they know — Abraham Lincoln, Columbus, Pilgrims — and where Shakespeare was on that spectrum.
We then get into Talk Like Shakespeare. I try to give some examples of the whole thee/thou, ist/wast, stuff like that, but I have no good examples. I tried to pull some modern song lyrics that we could “Shakespeareize”, but I was stuck in that world of not knowing what’s appropriate for other people’s children, so I had to punt on that one. I used some simple examples (“Shakespeare would not have had someone say Good morning, how are you today? He would have had somebody say An excellent morrow to you good mistress! How art thou this fine morn?”)
This led to the first game. I really hyped on the whole “flowery” language thing, and how you would never just toss out one or two words when you could use a bunch and really sell it. I have brought with me a hand made version of “The Compliment Game”, which is kid-safe version of the more infamous Insult Kit. I’ve taken a deck of index cards and written a word on each. Each card is then labelled A/B/C on both front and back. I spread out the entire deck (30 cards, total) on the floor around us and tell the kids that the rules are to pick up an A, B and C card, then pick one of your troopmates, start with “Thou”, and then pay them a compliment. Don’t just read the cards, really sell it. Pour it on.
They loved this, found it ridiculously silly. My daughter was called a pigeon-egg and had no idea how that was supposed to be a compliment. My other daughter called me a wafer-cake and thought this was just hysterical. Some of the words were beyond their reading ability, but that didn’t stop them from simply asking me to read it.
Definitely a hit, as we went through one round, and they immediately wanted to go again and again until all the cards were used up. We even had an odd number left and I had to bring in my older daughter to read that one, so that we could keep it fair and not have somebody left with an extra turn.
I then talk about how Shakespeare went ahead and just made up words as he needed them, and show them the word search puzzle I made for them to play with. Since I’d specifically been told to keep them up and active I treat this like “Here’s something for you to take home.”
This all leads into a discussion of rhyme and meter (after all, why did Shakespeare go through so much trouble to shuffle words around and make up new ones? Because he needed them to fit a specific pattern).
So I break out my bigger game. I’ve taken three famous speeches from three famous plays — Juliet’s balcony scene, the witches spell from Macbeth, and Puck’s closing of Dream. I’ve printed them out onto refrigerator magnet sheets, and cut them into strips. I then give the kids the pile of lines, describe the three plays, and tell them to separate the lines into the logical piles. “Juliet’s speech is all about names, and about how things still have value even if you don’t call them by the same words that everybody else does…..Macbeth’s witches are whipping up a disgusting witches potion, so look for ingredients that might go into it … Puck is a fairy who tells the audience that i they didn’t like the play, they should just think that they dreamed it, so you want to look for words about dreaming, or about forgiveness.”
This was the most active bit of the class, with all the girls up at the magnetic white board, reading the strips and trying to move them into the right categories. Some were easy (“eye of newt?”), some were hard (“Take all myself”). Best moment for me came when one girl read aloud, “By the pricking of my thumbs….oh, wait! I saw something…..Something wicked this way comes. Those must go together.”
*shiver* Yes, my wonderful child, yes they do. Of all the lines to pop out of this exercise, it had to be that one? I love it. That line is already spine tingling as it is.
(Side note — when speaking of Macbeth I went ahead and told them about the curse, and the Scottish Play. How if an actor says the M word inside a theatre, the other actors will take him away and he has to perform a magic spell to break the curse so nothing bad happens. First they wanted to know if this was true, and I said absolutely. Then they wanted to know what the magic spell was to break the curse, and I said I don’t know, I’m not an actor. But that I had in fact seen an actor say Macbeth in a theatre back in college, and I did indeed see his fellow actors take him away to perform the rite.)
This game was too big and too long, unfortunately. I probably could have gotten by with one speech at a time (scrambled), rather than trying to separate three. They started to lose interest toward the end.
So then I broke out my Complete Works and began reading the originals, so that they could see how close they came. Actually they did very well, at least in terms of which lines went with which play. Very hard to get them in the right order without a great deal of context.
I tried to do some acting – got one girl to volunteer to be Juliet, had her stand on a table/balcony, and then borrowed my son to be Romeo, hiding him behind a bookcase with instructions to yell “Here I am, Juliet!” when she was done.
Unfortunately this is where I lost them. I’ve got one girl reciting, one girl listening, but then the other two drifted off to draw on the whiteboard. Oh, well.
The witches spell was a little better, because I made them all interact. We all stood in a circle, holding hands and chanting doing one line at a time (chorus on the “Double doubles”). I insisted that everybody give it their best witches’ cackle, and for the most part they played along. One girl did say that this was her favorite, and that she wanted that speech to use at Halloween. (Interestingly enough? Same girl that spotted the Something wicked…. line initially. She’s going to be a dark one when she grows up :))
At this point we were running long so I just read Puck’s speech, but their attention spans were shot. My wife suggested that maybe they could sit down and work on the puzzle, which is what we did, and that became the “wind down until the end of class” project. Again, though – a big hit. I had not fully appreciated how an entire group of kids will tear into a puzzle, comparing notes and sharing information.
Overall? Glad to have done it. Need to come better prepared with actual notes about what to talk about next time – you can’t wing that sort of thing, it comes off as really unprepared. Games and activities have to be kept relatively simple – the compliment game and the word search scored big, the unscrambling of speeches started out strong but ended weak.
I plan to take this experience and roll it in to working with my older daughter’s Girl Scout troop. they are 9-10yr olds, and there are *18* of them. Holy Toledo. I’ve already said we’re going to jump straight in to acting with them. I’ve got a number of kid-friendly versions of the plays to try out. That seems the best approach for a group that size and age.
Brownie Shakespeare (The Plan)
So this story broke on Twitter a couple weeks ago. My wife runs a troop of Brownies (think “small Girl Scouts” if the term is unfamiliar) for my 7yr old daughter. Last week her plans were scrapped due to rain, and she spontaneously said “Want to do some Shakespeare with them?”