Eight Reasons Why Personalized Shakespeare Is A Bad Idea

~ duane ~ 2 Comments

There’s a link going around Twitter (no need to keep supporting it) about a project that creates personalized versions of classic novels – including Shakespeare – where you presumably get to swap out your name (and probably some key descriptive attributes) with some of the major characters, thus making the story about yourself.
Somebody didn’t think this through. (Warning, PG adult language and content ahead!)

Julius Caesar … because stabbing innocent people and bathing in their blood isn’t like it was in the good old days.

Twelfth Night … because you’re a boy who’s always wondered what it would be like to be a girl in love with a man who thinks you’re a boy.

Taming of the Shrew … because bitch knew her place!

Othello … because you want to strangle your wife.

The Merchant of Venice … because Jews are evil.

A Midsummer Night’s Dream … because you should be allowed to drug your wife when she won’t give you what you want.

Romeo and Juliet … because you want to sleep with a 13yr old girl.

Hamlet … because your girlfriend is crazy, you’d like to kill her dad, and your mom has been looking hot lately.

And Then There's The Adorable Middle Geeklet

~ duane ~ Leave a comment

I mentioned yesterday how my 8yr old daughter just finished The Tempest on her own (a children’s translation). Over the dinner table this produced an interesting bit of oneupsmanship(?) with her 6yr old sister:
Elizabeth: “Daddy, I just finished Much Ado about Nothing in Katherine’s book.”
Katherine: “Much Ado About Nothing isn’t even in that book!”
Elizabeth: “Well I finished something, I forget the name of it.”
Daddy: “What was it about?”
Elizabeth: “I forget.”
Daddy: “What was the name of the main character?”
Elizabeth: “I forget.”
Daddy: “Did you read the one about a girl named Rosario?”
Elizabeth: “I think I remember now. It was the story about Rosario.”
Daddy: “There’s no story Shakespeare story with a girl named Rosario. Busted.”
Katherine: “Ha!”
Elizabeth: “D’oh!”
🙂 All in good fun, of course. I realize that may sound like we were ganging up on the child, but that’s not the case.

Twenty Bits of Shakespeare Trivia You Probably Haven’t Heard Before

~ ~ 1 Comment

Bardfilm has compiled a list of unknown Shakespeare trivia. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Twenty Bits of Shakespeare Trivia You Probably Haven’t Heard Before:

  1. All the plays and poems attributed to Shakespeare were really written by a little girl named Prosperina Del Factotum.
  2. The character of Hamlet was modeled on a large fish given to the Queen on 3 February 1578.
  3. When you read Hamlet’s Soliloquy backward, the words “Paul is Dead” are clearly audible.
  4. In addition to writing the plays, Shakespeare was also an actor. He played the ghost in Hamlet, Adam in As You Like It, and Vikki the Space Vampire in Macbeth.
  5. Only six of Shakespeare’s signatures survive. They range in spelling from “S-h-a-x-p-e-r” to “B-e-n-n-y.”
  6. None of the portraits of Shakespeare are of Shakespeare. They’re all of another man of the same name who dressed as Shakespeare to elude tax collectors.
  7. King Lear was originally marketed as a comedy. Audiences loved the slapstick of the storm scene, and they fell all over themselves when a senile old man couldn’t tell if his daughter was dead or alive!
  8. The Sonnets have always been misinterpreted. They’re really the sixteenth-century equivalent of Marley and Me.
  9. In his youth, he drank too much. This led to the expression “He’s as tight as Andronicus.”
  10. His sexual orientation is pretty clear. He was either homosexual, bisexual, or straight.
  11. He coined many words and phrases, including “bombshell,” “rockin’,” “Hoosier Daddy,” and “Ow!”
  12. Many of the words Shakespeare used had a double entendre as a secondary meaning. If you knew what “be,” “question,” “mind,” “slings,” and “arrows” meant in Shakespeare’s day, you’d never stop blushing.
  13. If you read every 39th word in the First Folio, you get a good recipe for Tater Tot Casserole.
  14. Every word in En Vogue’s “My Lovin’ (You’re Never Gonna Get It)” is taken directly from Pericles, Prince of Tyre.
  15. Shakespeare, Gertrude Stein, and Mark McGuire once traveled in the same car on the Orient Express.
  16. Contrary to expectation, Shakespeare never did. Shake a spear, that is. But he wrote many bit parts for spear shakers, which is how he got his name.
  17. His second trip to Hollywood culminated in two pilot episodes of The Love Boat (one that is lost).
  18. Shakespeare did not wear a ruff. He was half human and half Australian Frilled Lizard.
  19. Not long after his death, he was called “The Cygnet of the Cenotaph.” “Swan of Avon” came later.
  20. The original ending of Richard III had Richmond shout “Who da winter of your discontent NOW, Dickie?”

Our thanks for this guest post to kj, the author of Bardfilm. Bardfilm is a blog that comments on films, plays, and other matters related to Shakespeare.

Macbett

~ duane ~ Leave a comment

In googling Eugene Ionesco for a previous comment, I learned(*) that he wrote a satire of Macbeth:

Two generals, Macbett and Banco, put down a rebellion. In payment for their heroic service, Archduke Duncan promises to bestow on them land, titles and cash, but he reneges on the deal. Encouraged by the seductive Lady Duncan, Macbett plots to assassinate the Archduke and crown himself King. He tries to maintain his tenuous grip on the throne through a vicious cycle of murder and bloodshed. Meanwhile, he is haunted by the ghosts of his victims and discovers that his new wife is not all that she seems.

Anybody know anything about it?
(*) I say learned, though when I searched my own archives for mentions I found this post from July 2008 where we talked about Shakespeare fiction, and Alan Farrar brought up Macbett briefly in the comments.
I wonder what ever happened to Alan. I know he was sick, he blogged about his health issues on a different site. I’m afraid he’s no longer with us.

Poetic Genius in Training

~ duane ~ 1 Comment

My daughter, 8, was writing poetry last night for Halloween. “Witches bats and spooky cats,” she chanted.
“DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM da,” I echoed from the next room.
After some discussion we agreed that there were 7 beats in that line, I found it too hard to get across the idea of there being a pausing beat on the end. But, 7 is fine. “So then on the next line you want to try and make it 7 beats as well,” I tell her.
“Or,” she says, “You know, close to 7, like maybe 6 or 8.”
“Or 7,” I suggest.
“And then for the next lines,” she goes on, ignoring my suggestion, “I could do like 5 beats and 5 beats….”
I guess she’s kind of getting the idea. 🙂 I want to get to the point where I get a call from her teacher asking me to explain what “trochaic tetrameter” means 🙂