Spotted the headline Richard Dawkins Criticizes Shakespeare for Lacking Elite Education this weekend and thought, “Aw man, here we go again.  And I liked Dawkins’ work, too.”  And by “liked” I mean, “Read The Selfish Gene in college.”  I have no personal experience with his well-known views on atheism.
Well, here’s the quote in question:

Sorry to be boringly predictable, but Shakespeare. Who are you? And how did a humble country boy like you become the greatest genius, and part creator, of our beloved English language. Might you have been even better if you’d studied at Oxford or Cambridge?

That’s it?  Hmmm.
The Atlantic Wire article I’m linking to goes on to say stuff like, “It remains unclear what Dawkins could have meant by ‘even better’.”  Really?  How unclear is that?  Are we arguing now that Shakespeare truly achieved perfection and that to even suggest that he could have been better is sin? Would he had blotted a thousand!
Seriously, though, the article is attacking Dawkins’ reference to Oxford (where he himself went) and the insinuation that Oxford or Cambridge alone would of course have made even Shakespeare that much better.
At least he doesn’t go off the deep end and suggest that without this education Shakespeare couldn’t have existed.  If anything this seems to me like a positive quote, doesn’t it?  Here you’ve got an Oxford-educated man who willingly admits that the “mystery” fascinates him, and he wants answers.  He’s spent his life with the belief that only those with elite education can change the world, and yet Shakespeare is the obvious exception to that rule, and Dawkins wants answers.
I suppose if you’re in a grumpy cynical mood you can read between the lines and argue that this is indeed an authorship attack, and that the sentence following the quote above could easily be, “Perhaps you weren’t a humble country boy after all, perhaps you did study at Oxford…”
What do you think, does Dawkins go into the Denier camp, or is he just being attacked for daring to approach the question?

Do people still remember “swifties”?  Taking its name from the old Tom Swift series of adventure books, a swiftie has Tom making a statement that’s described by the adverb that comes along for the ride, making for an awful (or, depending on where you sit, genius) pun.

Some examples?

“I’m just over here putting an edge on my new knife,” Tom said sharply. 

“Can you find the light switch? I can’t see a thing,” Tom said darkly.

Get the idea? Part of the fun is seeing how deep you can bury the pun, so a bunch of these you’re likely going to have to work at.

Both Bardfilm and Shakespeare Geek were surprised to realize that they’d never done this one.  There was some argument, some hair pulling, some kicking and some scratching, but the finished product was well worth it.  Without further ado, we give you …

Shakespeare Swifties

• “I miss Banquo,” Macbeth said hauntedly.
• “I know where Juliet is,” said Paris cryptically.
• “Now what am I going to do with all these flowers Ophelia gave me?” thought Gertrude ruefully.
• “This production of Winter’s Tale is never going to end,” Tom said unbearably.
• “Don’t worry, Bottom, I can change you back,” said Oberon reassuringly.
• “God sends a curst cow short horns; but to a cow too curst he sends none,” said Beatrice utterly.
• “I wish I could kill King Edward, but I can’t,” said Richard, abashedly.
• “What, you need another signature on my will?” asked Shakespeare resignedly.
• “I am so angry that you wrecked that ship with all those people on it!” said Miranda tempestuously.
• “I am thy father’s ghost,” said the figure transparently.
• “What’s coming toward the castle?” asked Macbeth woodenly.
• “Ten more sonnets will ruin it, this is the perfect amount of sonnets!” said Shakespeare grossly.
• “Don’t worry, Miranda–none of the ships were lost at sea,” said Prospero recklessly.
• “Wait—weren’t there two people attending Lady Macbeth?” asked Macbeth paradoxically.
• “When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married,” Benedick said singly.
• “The problem with Bottom the Weaver is deep in his subconscious,” said the literary critic acidly.
• “I think I’ll put King Edward on my list of people who stand in my way to the throne,” said Richard markedly.
• “Poor Tom’s a-cold,” said Tom chilly.
• “My name is Cesario,” Viola said disguisedly.
• “I don’t think I have enough melancholy bile,” said Hamlet humourlessly.
• “Let’s have a brief, silent part before the play-within-the-play,” said Hamlet dumbly.
• “Quick, Jack, hide in the laundry!” said Mistress Ford tidily.
• “Have another beer,” said Titania assailingly.
• “I’m invisible through most of the play, and I’m ok with it!” said Ariel spritely.
• “I’ve finally been convinced that the Earl of Oxford wrote the works ascribed to Shakespeare” said Tom unwillingly.
• “I get very upset when I see you look at other men,” Othello said smotheringly.
• “Isn’t it a great day to pick flowers down by the river?” said Ophelia buoyantly.
• (Or, if you prefer…)  “What do you mean my Uncle Ganymede is really my Aunt Rosalind?” asked Tom buoyantly.
• “Yes, I suppose Lavinia is attractive,” Tom said off-handedly.

I must go to a fast food restaurant and express these things:
1) greet the attendant at the drive-through
2) explain how hungry I am
3) tell and what I want to eat and how good it will make me feel.
I must speak as the Bard wrote. That is where I need you, kind sir. The more creative and funnier it is, the better. Feel free to go wild. I guess I would order a bucket of wings and thighs, mashed potatoes, and a diet coke. If there is an order that would make things easier, please feel free.

Sounds like fun!  Who wants to help her out?  They have until Sunday (the 18th?) to complete the task.

I can’t help but point out the timing on this one.  It seems that the Globe is taking Hamlet to every country in the world, in celebration of Shakespeare’s 450th birthday.

You think they’ll do something crazy, like market a t-shirt with “To be or not to be” translated into a whole bunch of languages? 🙂

Hey Globe, if you’re reading this, I’ve got a ready-made t-shirt all set for you!