List, List, O List! Happy 2013, We’re Back!

Happy New Year, everyone!  Hope you’ve all had wonderful holidays.  Over the next few days I’ll try to catch us all up on what’s been going on the last few weeks while we were on hiatus.

Until then, our resident listmaster Bardfilm gave us all a New Year’s present in the form of a new list!  I happily and proudly present …

William Shakespeare’s New Year’s Resolutions

Lose some weight. Too many Falstaff jokes. 

Try another comedy like King Lear–not sure everyone got how funny that ending is. 

Move to new lodgings to avoid taxes. 

Finally finish that biography. I owe it to my public to clear up some misconceptions. 

Try to get that manuscript of Cardenio back from the Earl of Oxford. Note: Don’t let him borrow anything else. He’s always stealing other people’s plays. 

Three words: More cuckold jokes. 

Write back to Marlowe.  It’s been hard keeping in touch since the whole faking his death thing.

Get an extra-large codpiece and try to be a bigger hit with the ladies this year! 

Branch out a bit. Perhaps write something in that new form called “The Novel.”

See if I can write another fairy play. Maybe this time on an island.  Score more weed from Henslowe, being stoned really helped with that first one.

Seriously, lose some weight. People are starting to say, “How many pledges to Shylock have you got under that doublet, Will?” 

Write dedication for the sonnets book I’m doing with Thorpe.  Or just let him do it. 

Give up the combover. It’s time to face being bald. See if they can change that in the portrait with the earring. Note: Oh, that earring! What was I THINKING?

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