Knock Knock! The Definitive List of Shakespeare Knock Knock Jokes (Guest Post)

From time to time, Bardfilm and Shakespeare Geek have tried putting a Shakespearean spin on some of the classic genres of humor. In the past, they’ve tackled light bulb jokes and dealt with why the chicken crossed the road. Finally, the great challenge of the Knock knock joke proved irresistible. Here are some Shakespearean knock knock jokes that you can use to entertain or torment your friends, colleagues, and children.  No, you don’t need advanced Shakespeare knowledge to get all of them – but it certainly helps sometimes!

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Oberon.
Oberon who?
Oberon the other bank you might try to catch some fish.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Noah.
Noah who?
Noah’s the winter of our discontent.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Dogberry.
Dogberry who?
Dog bury a bone in my petunias again, dog get sent to the pound.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Julius Caesar.
Julius Caesar who?
Julius, seize her! She’s the one who stole my wallet!

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
The Earl of Oxford.
The Earl of Oxford who?
Exactly.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Wherefore means.
Wherefore means who?
No, “wherefore” means “why.” How many times do we have to go over this?

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Nay, answer me!  Stand and unfold yourself.
Long live the king?

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Laertes.
Laertes who?
Layer Ts and sweaters to stay dry and comfortable on the ski slopes.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
The Nightingale.
The Nightingale who?
Ha! Fooled you! It’s really the Lark.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Orlando.
Orlando who?
Or Lando or Leia or Luke or Chewbacca will pilot the Millennium Falcon.

Knock, Knock, Knock, Knock, Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Tom.
Tom who?
Tom R. O. and Tom R. O. and Tom R. O.  We creep in this petty pace from day to day.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Shelly.
Shelly who?
Shelly compare thee to a summer’s day?

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Hal.
Hal who?
Hal long until Henry IV dies and I can become king?

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Gracie Zar.
Gracie Zar who?
Gracie Zar’s Ghost!

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Et.
Et who?
Et tu, Brute? Then fall, Caesar!

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Utah.
Utah who?
Utah me language, and my profit on it is I know how to curse!

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
The cause, my soul.
The cause, my soul who?
Let me not name it to you!

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Leon.
Leon who?
Leon Macduff.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Rosencrantz.  No, wait, Guildenstern! *sigh*—let me get back to you.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Ferris.
Ferris who?
Ferris foul and foul is fair.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Lysander.
Lysander who?
Lie, Sander, and you’ll get in trouble, Sander.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Cordelia.
Cordelia who?
Oh, that’s real nice, Daddy. I come all the way from France with an army to rescue you and that’s the welcome I get.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Falstaff.
Falstaff who?
[Excessively Loud Belch]

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Will Shakespeare.
Will Shakespeare who?
Will Shakespeare or just stand there holding one as long as I get to be on stage.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Desdemona.
Desdemona who?
Nobody.  I myself.  Farewell.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Riese.
Riese who?
Riese and not the need.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
The Porter from Macbeth.
The Porter from Macbeth who?
The Porter from Macbeth, who wants to know how you like it! Knock, Knock. Knock, Knock. Knock, Knock. Knock, Knock. Knock, Knock. Knock, Knock. Knock, Knock. Knock, Knock.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting Chorus.
Interrupting . . .
O FOR A MUSE OF FIRE!

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Demetrius.
Demetrius who?
Just try to Demetri us before we Demetri you!

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Hamlet.
Hamlet who?
Ham let Ophee fall in love with him.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Hamlet.
Hamlet who?
Hamlet the dogs out!  (woof, woof woof woof…)

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Helena.
Helena who?
Helena handbasket is where this world seems to be going.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Pericles.
Pericles who?
Well, I know it’s not Hamlet, but it’s not that unknown.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Rosaline.
Rosaline who?
Yeah, that’s what Romeo said as soon as he saw Juliet.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Lloyd.
Lloyd who?
Lloyd, what fools these moytals be.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Mary.
Mary who?
Mary, your manhood mew.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
William Shakespeare.
William Shakespeare who?
William Shakespeare cans so they explode when you open them.

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting Richard the Third.
Interrupting Richard the . . .
HORSE!

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Amos.
Amos who?
Amos shapen knave; his mother was a witch, and one so strong that could control the moon!

Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Otis.
Otis who?
Otis too, too solid flesh! I wish it would melt, thaw, and resolve itself into a dew!

Or . . .

Otis too true! How smart a lash that speech doth give my conscience.


Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Mike.
Mike who?
Mike Ingdom for a horse.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Arthur world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Toby.
Toby who?
Wait—sorry. Not Toby.
Make up your mind! Who’s there?
Toby or not Toby, that is the question.

Shakespearean Knock Knock JokesOur thanks for this guest post to kj, the author of Bardfilm. Bardfilm is a blog that comments on films, plays, and other matters related to Shakespeare.

Best of “Shakespearean First Drafts”

I got into work this morning to a note from Bardfilm that he’d started a new game on Twitter that he called, “Shakespearean First Drafts”.  As has become our new policy, here’s a best-of post for posterity:
  • “We are all made of dream stuff.”
  •  “Hey look, it’s Juliet up in the balcony. Hi, Juliet!”
  •  “Brutus is a cool dude.  All these dudes, are cool dudes.”
  • “For aught that ever I could read, / The course of true love never was a walk i’ th’ park.”
  • “Alas, poor Yorick. I knew him, Horatio. Crummy clown, bad material.”
  • “Wanted: 1 horse. 10 bucks. Willing to negotiate. Call Rick ASAP.”
  • “Anyone got a horse? Cause I really need one, like right now.”
  • Claudius: How is’t the clouds still hang on you? Hamlet: You suck! You’re not my real dad!
  • “Holy crap, it’s Yorick! Yorick died? When the frick did that happen?”
  • “And you, also, are among these conspirators? Oh, Brutus. Really?”
  • “My mistress’ eyes are almost like the sun. Something like? Nearly like? Partly?”
  • “By the tickling of my nose, something evil this way blows.”
  • “To be or not – I’m kinda leaning one way, but I’m a bit on the fence, you know?”
  • “Two loves I have, of comfort and despair, / And darned if I know what to do with either one.”
  • “The game’s a toe!”
  • “Darn it, Goneril just said what I was gonna say.”
  • “There’s something a bit off in the state of Denmark.”

Romeo and Juliet : How old is Romeo?

There’s a simple question. How old is Romeo? Sure, we all know that Juliet is 13, the Nurse comes right out and tells us. And often I think that we then make the leap and assume that Romeo is 13 as well.

But that’s hardly true, is it? Would that imply that Mercutio, Tybalt and Paris are also all about 13? Surely it was the case that men simply chose younger wives (Capulet is much older than his wife, is he not?), and actually we can assume that Romeo and the others are what, maybe late teens, early 20’s?

How old is Romeo?It wouldn’t stage well these days to point out that age difference, of course. I can just imagine R&J being closed down because it promotes pedophilia or something. But honestly I’m cool with it (the age difference, not the pedophilia!)  The more I read the play, the more I appreciate that Juliet is the most mature person in it. That she’s 13, surrounded by people generations older than her, is quite impressive. I don’t need to make her older to justify anything, and I don’t need to make Romeo younger to get it to balance out.

Romeo can be older and still be rash and impetuous. Juliet can be young and be the smart one. Better than trying to imagine 13yr old Tybalt saying, “I hate the word as I hate Hell….”

Update!

While looking at the trivia for Luhrman’s movie, I learned something interesting. Apparently Natalie Portman auditioned for the role of Juliet. But because of her small frame, in her words, “Leonardo looked like he was molesting me.”  The director said the same thing I said above, only backwards — “Leonardo was 21, but could look 18 – and she made him look 21.” In other words he looked too old, not that she looked too young.  So that certainly backs up the idea that you have to cast R&J of roughly equivalent ages to avoid squicking out your audience.