Shakespeare Jokes?

Surely we geeks must know some good Shakespeare jokes among us?
Shakespeare walks into a bar, and the bartender says, ‘Oi, you can’t come in ‘ere! You’re bard!’”
A priest and a rabbi walk into William Shakespeare.  “Oh bugger,” says the priest, “We’ve gone and walked into a bard by mistake.”
..many variations on Shakespeare not knowing which pencil to use, 2b or not 2b.
A blonde joke: “One blonde says to the other, Have you read Shakespeare? and the other blond says, I dunno, who wrote it?”

Student Bloopers:
This is a collection of actual student bloopers collected by teachers from 8th grade through college.The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo’s last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

And that’s it.
What else ya got?

UPDATED: Bardfilm took up the challenge and made us a list of Shakespeare Lightbulb Jokes!

8 thoughts on “Shakespeare Jokes?

  1. I've heard a bunch of Shakespearean feghoots, of the sort that can be back-calculated from their punchlines (e.g., "We've come to seize your berries, not to appraise them.")

    In a similar vein, there's the Asimov ultrashort story "About Nothing".

  2. My favorite Shakespeare feghoot is the sign on the camping goods store: "Now is the discount of our winter tents!"

    Among other Shakespeare geeks, I've heard some priceless extemporaneous jokes, such as a fellow actor pointing to a can of cashews and saying "Yon cashews hath a lean and hungry look." But for that type of joke, you kind of have to be there.

  3. Normally when I say "I learn something new every day" I mean something about Shakespeare, but "feghoot" was a new one on me :).

  4. William Shakespeare and Christopher Marlowe, two of the greatest English playwrights, would meet occasionally for a stroll in the countryside beyond the edge of London's growing theatre district.

    On their walks, they would bounce ideas for plays and characters off each other.

    One day, the two encountered an elderly man with a very straight back and very bandy legs. After the old man passed by, Shakespeare turned to his colleague and said:
    "Marlowe, if you were to include that man in your next play, how would you introduce him?"

    Without any hesitation, Marlowe replied: "Lo! Here comes a venerable gent, his back is straight, though his legs are bent."

    Marlowe then said: "Will, how would you put it?"
    Shakespeare pondered a moment then said: "What manner of man is this, who approaches with balls in parenthesis?"

  5. when I first heard this 60 years ago it was Bill and Will-Wordsorth and Shakespeare!! Bill’s was “through the glade and by the road, there came a man whose legs were bowed”, Will’s was a slight variation on Fester’s version- “Forsooth what manner of man is this, who carries his balls in parenthesis”.
    (Can’t beat a good forsooth!!)

    1. Did you know that Shakespeare was once cancelled upon seeing his first bow legged cowboy he exclaimed, “Hark! What manner of man are thee who wear thy balls in parentheses?” Yep…that started it all.

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