See, Now, That’s Learning

Months ago I was lamenting the quality of my daughter’s Shakespeare education as she pored over the Queen Mab speech of Romeo and Juliet, panicked that she had not memorized minuscule details like what kind of nut she made her chariot out of.

Last week this conversation took place during a random drive.

Me: <something something about a person named Gregory.>

Middle geeklet: “Like the opening of Romeo and Juliet!”

Me: “…um, oh, well, yes.  That’s a random pull.  Nice.”

Middle geeklet: “And Sampson! And Abraham!”

Me: “Wow.  Do you remember the last one?  Two from each side? This one’s tricky, he doesn’t even get any lines. But he’s the only one that shows up again in the play.”

Middle geeklet: “…Balthasar?”

Me: “Amazing.  Do you remember what else he does in the play?”

Middle geeklet: “… … … oh! Oh! He tells Romeo that Juliet is dead!”

Me: “Correct! If you think about it, the whole thing is really his fault. Because if he didn’t say anything to Romeo, then eventually Romeo gets Friar Laurence’s note, and there’s no misunderstanding.  I blame Balthasar.”

Not bad for a middle of summer pop quiz!

(I think it’s also only fair to point out that her older sister, who was busy being the rockstar of her own Shakespeare class, was in the car during this exchange and did not immediately recall those answers.)

 

Review : Ophelia

Maybe the book was better?

I first referenced Daisy Ridley’s Ophelia back in May 2017. I never expected it to be great, but I always hold out hope. I think it’s important for Shakespeare Geeks to support projects like this and let the studios know that the Shakespeare Universe has plenty of opportunity for story telling of many sorts. How else will we ever get another Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead?

Unfortunately it wasn’t worth the wait. Ophelia joins a very small list for me – namely, the list of Shakespeare movies I literally can not finish.

One of them is Anonymous, the piece of garbage that came out some years back arguing for the Earl of Oxford as the rightful author.  I love the part where he wrote Midsummer Night’s Dream at 6 years old  Moving on.

Another is the 2013 Romeo and Juliet starring Hailee Steinfeld. This one had me tying myself to the chair just to finish the trailer.  Let’s just say that I was done when I realized that it opens with Mercutio winning a joust.  Huh? Exactly.  I didn’t even get to the awkwardness of 14yr old Juliet crawling around the bed trying to look sexy.

And now we have Ophelia.  It’s based on a young adult novel so I suppose we can give it some leeway for being one step removed from the original material.  But…still.  Gertrude in this one is obsessed with remaining young and beautiful. We know this because she confides in Ophelia, who is her preferred confidante, because Ophelia knows how to read.  Gertrude appears to be using some sort of magic potion to retain her beauty.  Yeah.  This potion, I think, is made by Gertrude’s twin sister.  Still with me? As I write that I’m still assuming that I misunderstood what I was watching, because that can’t be right.

That’s not what got me, though. What got me reaching for the STOP button was the random interrupted rape scene.  This one should be on TV Tropes. Random girl finds herself surrounded by random guys, who harass her. Then, as these things go, suddenly she’s on the ground, held down by several of them while one starts to climb on top.  Does anybody remember what act and scene this was?  Enter Ophelia, carrying a huge jug of water making her look like something out of Ode to a Grecian Urn.  Because she’s a strong independent woman she, of course, confronts our primary rapist, who immediately loses interest in girl #1 and starts bantering with Ophelia.  She says that he stinks and needs a bath and you think, “Ok, here’s where she dumps the water on his head.”  No, the dialogue isn’t that intelligent.  Here’s where Hamlet enters.  Then you think, “Ok, here’s where we see Hamlet’s irrational temper, he’s gonna kill the guy.  Or at least we get a sword fight.”  Nope, neither of those things.  We just get Ophelia dragging Hamlet offstage by the arm, exactly like Hermione and Harry Potter.  COMPLETELY IGNORING THE GIRL BEING HELD ON THE GROUND BY SIX GUYS.

I had to go back and rewatch that scene because it couldn’t possibly be that bad.  We see the girl get up.  That’s it.  We don’t see her leave.  Ophelia and Hamlet don’t cast her a second glance. It’s truly as if that scene should have been followed by the guys saying, “Now, before we were so rudely interrupted…”

It’s not Shakespeare. It’s not well written or acted, it does not move the plot along or say anything useful about either of the main characters.  So for those reasons, as they say on Shark Tank …. I’m out.

 

Happy Birthday Juliet? Maybe Not

Today is July 31, so if we go by Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, it’s Juliet’s birthday!

Come Lammas-eve at night shall she be fourteen.

Lammas is August 1, so Lammas Eve is July 31.  Happy Birthday!  Let’s all to Verona for one big …. wait a second.

In Verona they celebrate Juliet’s birthday on September 16.  What’s up with that?

Don’t forget, Shakespeare didn’t invent the story.  In fact, “Newly Found Story of Two Noble Lovers”) by Luigi Da Porto is likely one of the original sources. And, according to academics, Juliet’s birthday is actually Saint Euphemia’s Day, which is in September.  Who knew?

 

Review : Most of All Is True Is Probably Not True

When Shakespeare geeks heard that Sir Kenneth Branagh would be bringing us a story of Shakespeare’s final years, written by Ben Elton (who brought us Upstart Crow and Blackadder) and starring Dame Judi Dench and Sir Ian McKellen, hearts skipped more than a few beats. How could it be anything other than a dream come true?  A modern Shakespeare movie to replace Shakespeare In Love in the “Shakespeare fan fiction” movie pantheon. All in all, I liked it. Parts I liked a lot. Parts I loved. My wife liked it, my kids liked it. But I don’t think it will be remembered as a great movie.

We open in 1613 after the Globe has burned down.  The text tells us that Shakespeare never wrote another play. We instead return to Stratford Upon Avon, where he’s basically gone to retire and be with his family again. His reputation follows him – both as the world’s greatest writer, but also as the son of his disgraced father. Both fans and enemies alike follow him around and annoy him.

Judi Dench is excellent as Anne Hathaway when she stops Shakespeare from coming into the bedroom, telling him, “Twenty years, Will.  You can’t just back and pick up like everything is normal. You’re a guest here.”  Later she’ll have more speeches about what it was like to be married to the world’s greatest writer and not know how to read, or how she felt when someone else read the sonnets to her. Answers to the “second-best bed” question are given but I didn’t find them satisfactory.

The daughters also do an excellent job, but Judith is given much more to work with. Susannah is already trapped in an unhappy marriage to a Puritan, while Judith still lives at home and is an angry young lady who has no problem shouting things like, “Why don’t you just say it, father? The wrong twin died.”  Yikes. Her relationship to Thomas Quiney was played brilliantly, I thought, and could easily have been the subplot of any modern drama.

That’s basically your plot – man ignores his family for twenty years, during which time his only son dies, and in his final years, he tries to set things right. One daughter is trapped in an unhappy marriage, one is rebelling at every opportunity, and his wife, their mother, is just trying to keep it all together in the name of reputation and honor. There’s some really heavy-handed symbolism right out of the gate where he says, “I think I’ll plant a garden.” Later, “I’m not a very good gardener…” and you can just imagine how it goes from there. Oh look, people came to help him… and so on.

There’s enough Shakespeare bio here to appease the fans.  All the important areas are touched on – what did Anne think about the sonnets? What was Shakespeare’s relationship to Henry Wriotheseley?  The coat of arms, the glove making, even Thomas Lucey’s poached ponies are referenced. Stuff is quoted, from sonnets to A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Titus Andronicus makes an appearance. To the extent where you want to see this movie just to count the references, it’s enjoyable.  Whenever there was a pause in the dialogue I’d do my own filling in the blanks for the kids. “Ok, that must be Thomas Quiney, look for him to do something that dishonors the family name and for Shakespeare to change his will…”

The problem, ultimately, is that everybody making this film knows that they are riding a line between “Here’s what we know” and “Here’s what we don’t, so we’re going to fill in the blanks.” Most of that “blank” surrounds Hamnet’s death and Shakespeare’s dealing with it (with second place going to “how could all the women in Shakespeare’s life be illiterate?” and third “what exactly was Shakespeare’s relationship to the Earl of Southampton?”)  The more time they spent on Hamnet, the more I thought, “See, now, this is the stuff they’re just making up.”  Hamnet wrote poems! Shakespeare and Hamnet had a favorite pond they used to walk to!  How lovely … for an audience like my wife, who doesn’t know which parts of the story are true and which are not, so for her it’s basically all true and she can let herself enjoy it. But for those of us that are keeping a running fact checker in their heads because we can’t turn it off, the more time they spent in made up land, the weaker the movie becomes.

See the problem? They built the entire movie around Shakespeare’s relationship to his lost son.  In that context, we learn about his relationship with his own father, and with his daughters, and with their children. But there’s that legal term “fruit of the poisonous tree”, and if all of your evidence traces its way back to a source that isn’t really legitimate, well, you have to throw it all out.  I can’t totally fault them for it – the movie has to have a plot, after all – but it ends up being the weakest part, to me, because I couldn’t help thinking all is not true. Could it have been true? Sure.  They do a better job there than Shakespeare In Love which I don’t think was at all suggesting that’s what really happened. But I’ll give Branagh that – he tells a perfectly reasonable story. But the title of that story is not Could Be True.

One thing that did surprise me – this film is *gorgeous*. I don’t know who is responsible for making the colors on the screen do what they do, but damn they did a fine job. Some shots are near breathtaking. For a play about a man of words, somebody decided, “We’re going to make sure we show just how beautiful the world around him is.” At times it reminded me of the Robin Williams movie What Dreams May Come (also a Shakespeare line!) with its literally out-of-this-world colors. Given that much of the story takes place inside – lit by candles, thus making the scenes pretty dark – the cuts to outside shots are always a breath of fresh air in more ways than one.

In the end, and maybe this was deliberate, I don’t know, but in the end, this is an average story about an average man. You could tell the “man tries to reconcile with the family he ignored for twenty years” about anybody. In this case, it just so happens to be the world’s greatest author. It might even have been a better movie if they pulled back on the Shakespeare and let that story shine through. There are parts where it was good, but plenty where it was contrived.  There’s a scene where Judith screams, “Nothing is true!” just so we get our juxtaposition with the title of the movie for Heaven’s sake, but come on, who talks like that? What does that even mean? There’s the aforementioned garden. Lots of heavy-handedness like that. But I guess there’s an audience that likes that?

Go see it.  Go see it with someone you love, who doesn’t know as much about Shakespeare as you do :).  Spot the references, enjoy the colors.

 

Oh, Keanu…No….

I don’t know how I missed this back in May, but Keanu Reeves – Man of the Internet Hour – John Wick, “Neo”, “Ted Theodore Logan”, player with puppies, rider of subways, anonymous donator to children’s hospitals – is an admitted Oxfordian.

The man played Mercutio at 15, Don John at 29 and Hamlet at 31. My Own Private Idaho is an acknowledged retelling of Henry IV. But in his own words, he’s “always been an Edward de Vere” guy:

I always wanted to know — ever since I was growing up — who really wrote the plays of Shakespeare. So I wanna be there at that moment with “Shakespeare” — cause I don’t really think it was “Shakespeare.” I’m an Edward de Vere, Earl of Oxford [guy]. So I’d like to be there in the 1600s “Shakespeare” writing Hamlet.

I guess he’s staying away from Macbeth, The Tempest and other later plays lest someone ask him how Oxford wrote those when he was dead.

Now I’m sad. Just goes to show that you can be a great guy – successful, even – and still not have any common sense.  As far as I’m concerned he’s flat Earth and anti-vaxx, too. What a shame.